I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
