Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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