I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
