I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
