Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
