Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
