Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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