A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
