Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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