We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
