just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
