I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
