It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
