Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
last night I used snow as a chaser
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
