I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
