Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
