Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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