Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
