I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
