I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
