was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Randomize
