Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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