I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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