On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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