Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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