i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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