Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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