sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
