You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
