I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
