i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just had sex on a roof
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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