I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
