you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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