My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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