I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
