I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Be still, my beating vagina.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
