at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
