So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
