and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
