it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
