i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
