Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
