thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
