I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
