If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
