My nipple is on Facebook.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
