it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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