im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
