he puts the penis in happiness.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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