i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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