Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
