my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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