I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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