after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
