I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize