I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
