Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
