just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
