Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize