a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize