You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
