FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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